Mind control

Today AJ told me to get a grip of my mind. Not to go deep into negativity, not to create a trench and pull in everything I hold dear. He is true. He is so wise and so nice. I would have held a grudge for less. I wish I could be impartial.

Marriage has changed a lot in me. Finally, someone is truly interested in me and what I feel and have to say. It is amazing . I love my AJ. And now I have started being a scared self. Scared of death, scared of doing anything that might hurt him. My own opinions seems to play see-saw sometimes. Being a mother has worsened my situation.! Such a lot of insecurities, you wouldn't believe!! I feel like I'm starting to be like Mrs Kent from the Emily books...how terrible and ugly is that!!!!

And in the end of al of it, I wish to curl up somewhere and wallow in self pity and self loathing . And cry and cry. AJ , he deserves someone stong and capable and not such a sissy! I love him so  much though and I pray I can grow to be the wife he deserves .