I love Ethan!

26 Sept 2011

I was crying with happiness, and he is not even born yet!
Love him!
Thanks God!

O my poor Albert !

24 Sept 2011

The question , my dear friends , is

'Was Albert Einstein buried or cremated??'

I'll just google it and see.
Here is the answer from yahoo answers:

Albert Einstein died on April 18, 1955, at the age of 76. His body was cremated, and his brain was preserved for scientific study. Dr. Thomas S. Harvey, a pathologist at Princeton Hospital, conducted the autopsy. No one knew what happened to Einstein's brain after Dr. Harvey removed it.

In 1978, Steven Levy, a curious reporter for the New Jersey Monthly, set out to track down the famous brain. After much hunting around, Levy learned that Dr. Harvey still had Einstein's brain in two mason jars in his house in Wichita, Kansas.

And, now comes the next question, What the hell is is a mason jar??

Wiki goes :A mason jar is a glass jar used in canning to preserve food.

O my poor Albert. Firstly, he had his brain pickled, literally. And, now the base to his theory of relativity is under doubt. If he was buried , I would have said the latter to be news enough to make him turn in his grave. But , if is ashes are scattered, what else can they do , except add to the natural silt in whichever river it was scattered. Maybe, the ashes will be more agitated to create an increased entropy in this universe!

Seriously, how shattering. I am quite thrilled! If this turns out to be true, I get to live in a time span when the base of physics was toppled!! Yay!! I know, I'm all about image, and impression....you know, its all for my grand-children sake :P

tada!

Burdened Back

22 Sept 2011

Its my burdened back. Its my burdened heart, and mind! Not soul yet!

The others are talking about their tickets to go to India! To Kochi, to be specific!! As to how they collected their tickets from Sheela , and how its via Dubai, n stuff n stuff.. So, I repeat, its my burdened heart! Its my burdened back! Somehow, I think I was more distressed by the fact that my rejection towards going to India, came by a mail?!?! I mean, that was so insensitive. Well, in a way, it was very wise. What if I just burst into tears in case of direct approach.

I still feel like a sack of lousy potatoes, not wanted, just forgotten by everybody, and laying there...aiting to be thrown out. While my colleague gets an excellent on the poster bit, I get a fine! And ,well, I did try to write it well. I cannot be what I am not! And somehow I feel like what I am is not good enough. What do I do Lord? And, now the letters on the keyboard are blurring. No no no! Count your blessings , one by one! I don't have cancer, I have amazing friends, I have Ted Mosby, weird as it may sound.

A broken heart swiftly mended

21st Sept

This is somthing I got from DBS' fb page:

A man can learn from his small mistakes...but my dear friends a true enlightenment is achieved only if you are totally screwed up.

I am screwed up, atleast I feel screwed up!!If you ask me what is the mistake I did, I think it was me being passive, and not interested in life. Not interested in my work. Maybe I should be admitted to some psycology department of some hospital. I would be a star there, coz, there I might be quite normal, and interactive, and interesting, and not scared shitless of every single thing in my life. well, scared of every single person.

I like Grae. Its simply coz he doesnt frighten me. He makes me think that maybe I can make it, you know!!

Sir told me not to go to India in Dec. In the morning, I was in a daze, I was heart broken, and I wanted to see Amma so badly(when I told all this to pappa , I modified saying that I felt like I wanted to see 'both of you'..hehe). I wanted her to hug me and console me. And at noon time, I did call her, and she did end up consoling me...I mean, she did her job wonderfully. Now, I'm more or less like, no way do I want to go to India!! I might visit Paris, and Amsterdam instead....still get some family time you know!! Or have an official vayar kanal function @ Tha tha's place. Cook good cake and cookies for Tha Tha. Get her papadom....yipee.....

You know what God, thanks for my amazing parents. And my dear loving mom, and Vallyaunty. There was an earthquake in east India(I had no idea). V was in the middle of an operation, she was stitching up her patient, and she says that the earthquake lasted for atleast 5 minutes. Just imagine, standing there by her patient's side, not capable of abandoning her duty, and taking a risk of her own life. God, I am so proud of her. Thank you so much for her too. And help me to be duty bound..at least to a tiny bit that I feel some inner peace!

Amen

Be the change!

20th Sept

Cuba is at the bottom of the big chunk that has USA n Mexico. Aire was making me show me all over India, and he was showing off the canary islands. Sweet place, the Canary Islands, I mean. I might change the vacation spot with T from Malta to Canary Islands. Yes, definitely, a good idea!

Anyhow, Aire proved how small the world is. He knows our dear MinggKhu. And knows a number of people in the same group. Amazing really! I wih I could be more like Aire, fearless, even when things are messed up. Confident, and sure about what he wants from a sample. There is a big shot guy in Priya's group....by name Saulius.He looks ...inspiring. I have been reading 'The girl who kicked the Hornet's nest'. The people who work in the book, they work like hell while they work. Why can't I work like that? Why do I get depressed on the second hit?? Today, I lashed out at Rai. I really did. I even dread coming in coz of that particular person. Sometimes the going gets tough and thats when I lose my temper. I ain't proud of it, but it just happens you know. There should be a vent for all the frustration to pass. And I ain't getting that vent ....and its killing me . That's where Hari's fb status today strikes a chord:

"Again, experiencing one of those moments when you are a hyper-critic of one's self, I would give up anything to have a meeting with my crisis point soon %-I "

I'd love to have my crisis point to get over n done with. I ma unhappy with myself. I don't think I can work. I don't feel like I have any good qualities I could muster to appreciate, and help grow. Its an amazement to me as to how I reahced here in the first place. No, that's not true, certainly not! I know its God's guidance and grace that brought me here...But I feel myself slipping away, and I hato hate it.

God, save me , help me not to hate myself, help me to realise that even if its a bit too late, everything is not lost. I remember IIT Mahesh, who was killed. One rumour goes that he was murdered, and the second goes that he committed suicide coz his project failed. Sometimes, I get the latter feeling. On no way would I take my life, no way! But, I sometimes think that if I was not alive, then , I needn't suffocate myself with mind churning emotions and depression. God, I repent. For not being thankful enough. I know I have deviated from my chosen path, whatever that was/is. Help me God, help me to get back on the correct stace, help me to trust you completely and rely on you every step along the way. Help me not to hate myself.

I'm sorry
R

Jane Eyre

17 Sept 2011

When I was a little kid, I perceived the world to be very small. Well, even now my knowledge is quite limited. If you ask me where Cuba is, I’d just shrug and say I have no idea! Anyway, back to tiny me. I thought that the books I could read was limited to Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty. Yes, I was really small then. This is a memory I have of a time when I don’t really remember anything else, and I do cherish it. I even remember the covers of the Cinderella category books in the library.

I learnt better quite a while later on. I loved books, but access to it was quite limited. But. I had these three books that belonged from the same publisher or something: The hound of the Baskervilles, Monte Christo, and Jane Eyre. I had these during the times when I felt like I had to read something to keep me normal. And I realise now I had a vivid imagination. I have every scene of the book taped out in my mind, even the dress that Sherlock Holmes wore at the climax (green and black chequered jacket). And, I had a deep curiosity towards hounds and phosphor. I loved Monte Christo too, a sad story about an admirable man. And lastly Jane Eyre. The story used to make me so sad. Even though it had a happy ending of sorts, its only after so much laborious hardships. I think I was affected quite deeply by it. I proved it over again today when I went to the movie of the same. I could recall the same instances from the book, I could even recall exact sentences from it. The movie brought out a wave of emotions that I believe was conceived not just now , but years ago when I read the book. I lived through Jane's life, and felt her love and then her anguished heart. But, I did not feel it the same way now. On the contrary, I felt enraged. How could she not fall in love ? He eludes so much confidence, and arrogance. He is at the absolute unattainable pinnacle and yet he sought after her.

The woes of a governess!!

Sigh

When Newton's apple fell on my head!

16Sept 2011

I've come to the realisation that ignorance may not be bliss as I thought it to be! Atleast, this holds true for career paths. Hell yeah...ignorance about your work results in a purely troubling life. I wish I knew more about what I am doing, i wish I knew more about science, and the world in general. I feel like I'm 80 years old, and unable to change my ways.

I've always looked forward to new beginnings or fresh starts. But, always wanting to please people, I forget all about the newness I want to introduce in myself. I sometimes wish I wasn't as good in english as I am now!Knowing the language, I unfortunately understand people, I understand their queries, but yet I don't know how to answer them. I cannot act like I have no clue what they are on about, unlike the chinese who says a totally detached answer to a question. Bottomline is that I feel more or less like a loser. The only good thing is I haven't lost it yet!!