23 April 2015 Thursday.
Okay, I needed to rant. I am filled with a lot of feelings and doubts and 'what ifs?' . There are a couple more days before I can confirm my status, and when I think to that point, I am filled with mixed emotions about the either positive and negative aspect it could be.
Am I imagining that parts of my body are changing? Am I imagining something more when I get tired and huff and puff by mere climbing the stairs to our home, or that I need to take deep extra breaths to read the bible passage properly?
A part of me wants to be pregnant very badly....actually, most of me wants me to be pregnant...the tiny sliver remaining is the 'scared little girl' part.
Dear Lord, you know all I'm going through. I wanted to cherish this moment, where there is hope that I may perhaps be pregnant. I know I am going to be devastated if my period strike in. I don't know what I will do then, how I will cope with the despair. In the off chance that I may be pregnant, my happiness about that is laced with the obvious anxiety, you know.! Well, I trust you...you plan everything in my life. I surrender myself to you.
Amen
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